Leading as both an Insider and Outsider
Great post from Jonathan McIntosh about the need for church leaders to take steps to be part of groups as an outsider to gain insight into barriers that may exist at your church. Julie and I have experienced this feeling a lot as we looked for a new church last year and our search has greatly influenced what I believe the local church is called to do and be.
When the people in our churches only become a nuisance to us, we’ve lost touch and lost compassion for those that we are called to love and shepherd.
We forget easily how daunting it can be for people to try and join a new group.
If you are new to church, frankly it can be scary:
- to take the time and effort to attend a worship service with hundreds (or even thousands) of people you don’t know.
- To email the leader of a church.
- to try to join a small group.
- to reach out for help.
- to try to belong to something.
What can you do as a church leader who is naturally an insider, to regain the perspective of what it’s like to be an outsider?
Attend an event by yourself.
There are plenty of churches that have services on off-times (like Saturday and Sunday night) so that you could easily attend another church one weekend. If you simply can’t get away to another church, attend a mayor’s breakfast event or large civic function in your city. Go by yourself. Don’t tell people who you are. If you’re an extrovert, don’t talk to people – try to imagine the experience from an introvert’s perspective. What does it feel like to go somewhere new and not know the protocol, not know where to park, where to sit or even where the bathrooms are? How does it feel to be ignored while large groups of people talk amongst themselves? Try showing up late – how does it feel to walk in with all eyes on you?Try to join a group.
I know, you’ve got so much free time on your hands. But trying to join a local group like the Rotary Club or the Chamber of Commerce will do more than put you in contact with other key leaders in your area – it will remind you just how daunting it is to try to join a group as an outsider. As pastors or ministry leaders, we are at the very center of our church social circles. When was the last time that you were actually an outsider, and felt the insecurity that comes with that? You’ll get better at crafting pathways for new people to connect when you know again what it’s like to try to belong somewhere as an outsider.Email someone you admire.
This sounds weird, but pick someone you respect who is not likely to respond to you personally. Take some time and actually craft an email introducing yourself and thanking this person for their work or impact. If they reply to you, great. But if they don’t, it’s good for you to feel what it’s like not to get a response, or worse yet, to get a canned response to something you took time to write. Every time someone new to your church or organization takes time to write, call or email – it’s a big deal to them. Is it a big deal to you?With everything on our plates, it is so easy for us to forget the big steps we often ask & expect people to take in attending church for maybe the first time in a long time, signing up for a new group, and trying to get answers to key questions from us or our staff. And ultimately we forget that the Ultimate Insider became the Ultimate Outsider – for us.
Moving from irritation to appreciation takes more than mere observation. It takes actually sitting in the seat of another.