I have always loved to read. In 6th grade there was a contest at school for reading and you got “book bucks” for every hundred pages you read. The bucks could then get traded in for prizes. I think I read something like 10,000 pages during the time of the contest. I can still vividly remember dropping all my book bucks on a new basketball in the cafeteria at Glenwood Elementary School in Enid, OK. I still love to read to this day and most mornings begin with reading both my Bible and, typically, a theology or church planting book.

I hope that Malachi and potentially PB and/or J also love to read and I’m excited to share with them some great books from my childhood. The sad truth of 2010, however, is that many boys don’t read and if they do it’s mostly “gross-out” books. Instead of reading, the Internet and video games consume their time. An opinion piece in the Wall Street Journal today talks about this trend. There were some very interesting statements in the article, one of which I want to highlight. The author, Thomas Spence, writes

If you keep meeting a boy where he is, he doesn’t go very far.

At face value, it’s a very true statement. I also think it’s deeper than just boys and reading. I think it’s also applicable to men and leading. Men are called to lead their homes and their families. The continual effort of the church to make herself “accessible” to men often lowers the playing field to motorcross jumps during worship and references to ultimate fighting. Instead, we should call men to more. We should call them to love their wives sacrificially, to teach and train their children patiently, and to worship God fully. We should have high expectations of our men because they are each modeled after the True Man, Jesus Christ, who lived a perfectly human, yet sinless, life. Call men to big things, like being “fishers of men”, and they will respond and in the process God is glorified and His kingdom is furthered.

From Kevin DeYoung – Part 1 and Part 2. I’ve highlighted some great thoughts

1. Take advantage of opportunities to be taught by others. Get the most out of books, lectures, and special speakers in seminary, because soon you’ll be be doing all the putting out with few people to put it in to you.
2. Beware of closing your heart to people.
3. Be a pastor for the whole church, not just part of it (don’t be just one group’s champion).
4. Establish your priorities at the church early and clearly. I suggest: preach, pray, and people.
5. Work hard to foster deep spiritual fellowship with your closest leaders (e.g., staff, elders, deacons).
6. Don’t try to do too much too soon. Expect change to happen very slowly. Whenever possible, work for desired change by positive reinforcement, rather than by criticism.
7. While you shouldn’t attempt too much change right away, if you are forced to make a hard change or take a tough stand, do it decisively.
8. Expect people to leave your church when you come.  Be kind when they do.  Follow up, ask why they’re leaving, pray for them, then move on. Don’t let a few folks on the way out determine the plans for the rest of the church.
9. Be personal instead of academic. A conversation is usually better than a paper.
10. Beware of technology: wasting time on power points, frittering hours away on Facebook, getting bogged down in emails, doing all your pastoral communication by email instead of phone calls or personal visits.
11. If you are good at administration, don’t do too much.  If you are bad, get someone to help you immediately.
12. Plan for prayer days.
13. Learn to think in 5 year, 1 year, 6 months, and 1 month increments.  When you start out at a church you’ll feel three months behind everyone else; you need to be six months ahead.
14. Guard your day off and don’t let your work creep into your evenings at home.  You’ll be miserable and ineffective if your life becomes a rhythm-less mush.
15. Spend more time getting to know your people and less time trying to figure out the culture of your city.
16. Remember: you are not the only special person in the church. Don’t get offended if you’re not invited to a wedding or they ask the other guy to do the baptism. It’s silly to feel threatened when congregants are closer to another staff member or lay leader than they are to you.
17. Don’t minister just to keep people happy. Don’t be the pastor who does all the counseling, all the teaching, and all the praying because “that’s what people expect” and you “don’t want to let them down.” You’ll burn yourself out, stifle the gifts of others, and keep your church smaller than it needs to be.
18. Don’t compare. There are dozens of factors that make a church successful. Many of them are out of your control–most notably, God’s sovereignty.
19. Christian maturity entails more than theological acumen. Don’t assume the dudes reading Bavinck will be the most fruitful, faithful, and effective leaders. Could be, but that’s far from certain.
20. God opposes the proud but gives grace to humble. Pray this into your soul before and after every sermon.
21. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Get in touch with seminary profs.  Try to get a top notch speaker in once in awhile.  Make contact with churches your respect. Build a network and learn from others.
22. Keep reading.  Please keep reading.  Boldly ask for a book allowance. The rule is not absolute, but I question a man’s call to ministry if he does not like to read.
23. Man is not justified by preaching.  Some sermons are a home run. Other times you’re lucky to bunt your way on.
24. Don’t preach your issues from seminary. I can almost guarantee no one in your church doubts the Pauline authorship of Ephesians. It says “Paul” in their Bibles so they’re good to go.
25. Sometime in your first two years, preach about prayer, evangelism, giving, and the authority of Scripture.
26. Figure out what you believe about divorce and remarriage, and figure it out soon.
27. Build consensus whenever possible, but when you have to make an unpopular decision that will be unpopular don’t insist that everyone like it. Take your lumps and move on.
28. Be comfortable in your own shoes. Preach through your own personality. Learn from, but don’t try to clone, your heroes.
29. Accept the blessings God gives (and does not give) you. Some pastors have two talents. Some of five or ten. That’s just the way it is. Don’t be jealous of those with more or look down on those with fewer.
30. Develop warm relationship with other evangelical churches in your area. Pray for these churches. Direct people to their ministries when the situation fits. Be happy for their blessings. I realized early on I didn’t really want revival unless I was fine with it starting at the church down the street.
31. Pray that the Lord won’t give you success until you don’t want it anymore.
32. Don’t assume the worst about people, even if you’re suspicions are right. Better to be a little naive than a lot cynical.
33. Make time to make friends. In the long run neither you nor your church will regret the hours invested in personal relationships with other pastors, old friends from seminary, and kindred spirits in the congregation.
34. Have low expectations for people this year and high expectations for people in five years.
35. Figure out the membership class and member care. Set the bar high for both.
36. Train and evaluate potential leaders. You can endure a lot of hardship if you feel energized and supported by your closest leaders. Ministry will be a nightmare if your leadership team lacks unity and maturity.
37. Focus on the basics.  Don’t get distracted with the church website or the newsletter layout.  The pastor who works hard at his sermons, genuinely likes people, and really loves the Lord will be used by God.
38. Don’t expect the search committee to have any clue what they’re doing.
39. Love your wife. Spend time with your kids. Be very afraid if you no longer look forward to going home at the end of the day.
40. Be generous in giving credit to others and stingy in passing around the blame.
41. Learn to ignore some comments, some controversies, and, yes, some people.
42. Never use the pulpit to settle old scores. Do use it to honor faithful saints and co-laborers.
43. Tell your congregation you love them and are glad to be their pastor.
44. What your people need most from you is your own personal holiness. People want a pastor who has been with God.
45. Keep your passions in proportion.  Not everything matters as much as everything else. Keep the gospel front and center.

Here’s the method that David Murray follows to “decrease reliance on paper in the pulpit”

1. Saturation

You must be saturated in your material. This is one of the benefits of preparing nearer the time of sermon delivery. The longer the time period between preparation and preaching, the more you will have to rely on your notes. I also find that praying over my sermon, applying each point to myself really helps to embed the sermon in the heart as well as in the head.

2. Scriptural

If your text is just a pretext for some topical sermon with little connection to your text, then you will be much more reliant on notes. But if your sermon points and material flow naturally out of Scripture, then you immediately have a huge help to reducing your reliance on notes. If you blank, as we all do, then you should be able to just look at your text for prompts to get you back on track.

3. Structure

You must have a clear structure for your sermon material. It is much easier to remember five bullet points than a five line paragraph. Use the outlining/indenting feature of your Word processor and use the same lettering/spacing standard each time to train your mind to step through the process.

4. Summarize

Try to summarize your points and sub-points, cutting the words down more and more until your main points and sub-points are no more than 3-5 words, and your explanatory sentences are no more than one line long. I would recommend that you end up with no more than one page of a summary. I’ve attached a sample below from one of my sermons. I may take this into the pulpit in my pocket or inside my Bible as a “fallback” if I blank. But if I’ve properly prepared by following the other steps outlined here, then I usually don’t need to refer to it.

5. Stress

Once you have a one page summary, stress or highlight both your structure and the main word in each point and sentence. Use a highlight marker to color the main points and sub-points. This will help “photograph” the structure into your mind.

Then, using a dark pen, underline the key word in each point, sub-point and line. This word should be one which “triggers” memory of the whole point/line. Write the first letter of each trigger word in the left hand margin. You will then have a series of letters running up and down the left side of your page. Try to memorize one main-point letter and the sub-point letters. Then see if you can recall the word and phrase or sentence related to each letter. The letter should trigger a word which triggers the point (see sample below).

6. Study

This method does not advocate memorizing the sermon word for word. Instead you are remembering the key points, sub-points and “trigger” words (the skeleton). But you will need to stock your mind with a wide vocabulary so that the “trigger” word will pull in suitable other words to speak. If you don’t you will tend to start sounding “samey.” You should read widely and constantly to build up a ready vocabulary. Read outside theological books and magazines. Read a reputable newspaper or contemporary biographies. This will keep your vocabulary fresh, contemporary, and less cliched.

7. Start

The hardest step here is simply to start. It is like learning to swim for the first time without a flotation device, or learning to ride a bike without stabilizers. It is a large psychological barrier. So, let me give you some helps to starting.

First, start small. Instead of launching out with a full sermon in your head, choose a small section which you are committed to preaching without notes and follow the procedure outlined above. Next time, do a larger section or two sections, and so on. Your mind will get into a groove and you will become gradually more confident in the method.

Second, have a back-up plan. Even though you are intending to preach a section or two extemporaneously, take your paper with you anyway so that if you do “blank,” you have your paper to fall back on. The great temptation here though is that your mind will take the easiest path and so will you. If you know there is going to be no lifebelt, you will prepare much better for the jump!

Third, don’t try to memorize Scripture references or quotations. Have these written down on a small paper so that you can read from them. That will save you a lot of mental work. Also, quotations tend to carry more authority if read rather than repeated from memory.

First 9Marks gave us the Do-It-Yourself Marriage Retreat, which was great for Julie and I. Now, they’ve given us the Man-Treat “Diagnostic Weekend”. I’ve always struggled with having close male friendships and keeping in regular communication.  The Man-Treat would be amazing to do regularly with some brothers-in-Christ as a way to reconnect, encourage, and challenge each other.

The idea of this document is to guide your morning quiet time and reflection and to foster your evening conversations.  The goal is to scan your life, talk thoughtfully with other brothers who love you and know you well and to emerge with a practical plan for a) playing offense (e.g. what do I need to start doing to grow in my faith and to exercise faithfulness in the spheres of responsibilities you’ve been given) and b) playing defense (e.g. in what areas is sin creeping in and you need to aggressively fight it).

Pray before and during your time – so that a spirit of grace, charity, encouragement and trust in God’s faithfulness permeates your time.

Highlights of your past year

• Remember the past year.  Note any highlights (chronological and social), including highpoints and low points.
• Our God is a God of providence (Gen 50: 19; Rom 8:28), who brings all things into our life for our good. Reflect on what the events of the past year have taught you about God, yourself, your spouse, etc.
• Reflect on and list at least three ways you can give thanks to God for blessings of the past year.

Sphere 1: Personal Discipleship

• In general, how are you doing spiritually?  How has your love for God grown?  Has your love for others grown? If so, how?
• How is your devotional time going? (Specifically Scripture study & prayer) What are you reading and learning in your quiet times right now? What do you want to accomplish in QTs in this upcoming year?
• Has your life been governed increasingly by God’s Word?  Is there another spiritual discipline that you would like to develop? (fasting, scripture memorization, etc.)
• Do you still grieve over sin? (Whitney)
• Name one sin that you continue to struggle with.  What could I do to help you with this struggle?
• How are you growing in the characteristics of being a godly man (I Tim 3:1-7)
  • above reproach
  • temperate
  • self-controlled
  • respectable
  • hospitable
  • able to teach
  • not given to drunkenness
  • not violent but gentle
  • not quarrelsome
  • not a lover of money
  • manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect
  • good reputation with outsiders
• How are you doing managing your health and eating?
• How are you doing managing your finances?  Are you tithing?  Do you have debt?  What are you doing to eliminate it?

Sphere 2: Husbanding

• How is your marriage going?
• Name 3 things that bring you joy about your wife?
• What are you tempted to struggle with about your wife and your marriage?
• Are you getting home at a consistent time?  Are you prioritizing date nights?
• How can you improve in your communication with your wife?
• Are you fostering romance, intimacy and sex?
• How can you improve as a leader in your marriage?

Sphere 3: Parenting

• Name one thing about each of your children that brings you great joy.  What are each of your kids struggling with? What can you do to shepherd them through these struggles?
• Are you spending quality time with each of your children?  What makes it difficult to do this?
• Do you spend time in family worship?  What could you do to make this a more consistent part of your family diet?
• In general, how are you doing raising your children? What can you do to improve your parenting? – What do you want to keep the same and what do you want to change in order to shepherd your kids well spiritually?

Sphere 4: Church/Ministry

• What ministries did you participate in this past year?
• Who are you discipling? And, who is your accountability partner?
• What should be your ministry goals for this upcoming year (i.e., Bible study, hospitality and fellowship, charity work/support)?
• Do you delight in being involved in church? If so, name one thing about our church that currently brings you great joy.  Name one thing that would increase your joy in church?
• How can you be an encouragement to the elders and staff at our church?
• How can you foster greater unity in our church?

Sphere 5: Vocation/Work

• How is your current work situation?
• Are you working too many hours?  Are you traveling too much?  Are you working smart and/or wasting time during your workday with personal distractions?
• Are you having any work conflicts?  How can you see your pride, arrogance and ego contributing to these?
• Are you being faithful in your workplace?  How do you see that you are working to “the glory of God”?
• What opportunities do you have for advancement?  What toll might these new responsibilities place on your life, family and ministry?   How are you applying biblical wisdom to these decisions?
• Are you in a place that you can see as your long-term calling?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?  10 years?

Harvey Turner is the church planter of Living Stones in Reno, NV and a fellow Re:Train grad. He recently posted on his blog some helpful Bible passages on church discipline as well as insights into how they are applied in the life of Living Stones. These are helpful for everyone, not just pastors, to read and meditate on.

Matthew 18:15-17

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

• This passage from Matthew 18 deals specifically with personal one-to-one instances of sin, but may be applied in other situations. Matthew 18: 15 to 17 contains a three step process for dealing with person-to-person conflict. Step one is to confront the person who has sinned against you and ask him to repent. If he does not repent after step one, move on to step two. Step two, take one or two other people, along with you to confront the individual about the sin against you and ask him to repent. If he does not repent after step two, move on to step three. Step three is to take the situation to the church. At Living Stones, this may be applied in one of two ways: either take it to your community group for confrontation (assuming you are in the same community group) or bring the sin and the situation to an elder who will bring it back to the elder board for a decision of how church discipline should be applied.

Why is church discipline not brought before the church as a whole?

Romans 16:17

“I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.”

• Romans 16 is dealing with individuals in the congregation who engage in two specific types of sin. The first sin is the sin of division within the church. The second sin is the sin of false doctrine in the church. These individuals are to be avoided and reported to the elders of the church for follow-up and reconciliation.

1 Corinthians 5:1-13

• First Corinthians 5:1 to 13 (too long to quote here) details a situation in the church involving gross, unrepentant sexual immorality. The specific situation had to do with an individual having sex with his father’s wife. The apostolic exhortation is immediate removal from the congregation until such a time that the individual comes to repentance. This situation is an instance of immediate removal from the church and may be applied in extreme cases.

2 Thessalonians 3:6-7, 14-15

“Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us. For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you … .If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.

• 2 Thessalonians 3:6 to 7, and 14 to 15 give us a specific situation of church discipline and a timeless principle of church discipline. The situation involved disobedience to the apostolic (and now scriptural) command to work and provide for one’s family. The timeless principle to apply to modem church discipline at Living Stones is that if an individual blatantly disobeyed a scriptural command and persists in that disobedience after being urged to repent, the individual is to be disengaged that he may be ashamed. In the process, he is not to be regarded as an enemy, but continually warned as a brother. Persistence in a particular sin may require removal from the church for the purpose of repentance and restoration.

Titus 3:10-11

“As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.”

• Titus gives us a pattern of dealing with individuals in the church who stir up divisions. The individual is to be warned once and then twice and if there is no repentance the individual is to be removed from the congregation because of his potential to harm the church through division.

Hebrews 13:17

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.”

• Hebrews gives us the charge of leadership to carry out leading responsibilities which include church discipline and the congregational duty to obey and follow leadership. This exhortation is for the purpose of the leadership carrying out its duties with joy.

Galatians 6:1

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”

• This scripture is instructive in church discipline in terms of the heart attitude and spiritual awareness that church discipline requires. An individual should be walking in the power of the Holy Spirit and carry out the church discipline with a spirit of gentleness. As a church discipline is carried out, the individual should be in a state of constant self-evaluation in regard to the many temptations that could accompany such work.

James 5:19-20

“My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”

• James instructs us on the motivation behind church discipline. Church discipline should never be motivated out of anger, or pride, or woundedness, or self-righteousness, but rather to restore the individual to Christ and his people. The motive is love, the means is love, and the result is love that springs from the gospel.

My Re:Train buddy P.J. Tibayan posted ideas for a Los Angeles Pastor’s Fellowship along with questions to ask during their time together. These are very helpful and something I hope to use someday when gathering for fellowship with pastors in Ann Arbor.

What are barriers to the gospel that you’ve identified in our city?

How do you personally develop relationships with gospel intentionality?

How do you cultivate romance and a mutually edifying relationship with your spouse?  (for single pastors attending: what issues do you face as a single pastor when it comes to the area of romance and marriage?)

How have you developed leaders and shared leadership?

Do you practice membership?  If so, how do you do it?

How do you lead your church to be an encouragement to other churches and Christians outside of your church?

How do you equip your members to evangelize?

What is your personal Bible reading plan and how do you cultivate joy in Christ and holiness in your life?

What are some challenges you face in preaching/teaching?

What would an ideal pastors’ fellowship look like?  What would they do?  How often would they meet?

What does personal accountability look like for you?  To whom are you accountable?  Is it structured or organic?  To what degree?

1. Know God

• Cultivate a steady devotional and prayer life.
• Participate in gospel-centered accountability, like a Fight Club.
• Serve with the strength God supplies (2 Peter 4:11).

2. Know Your People

• Pastor your Missional Community. Don’t just lead discussions.
• Take notice when somebody disappears and make sure they are loved well.

3. Know Your Neighborhood

• Know the culture and relate to it well.
• Know your neighbors and invite them into your community.

4. Don’t Go Alone

• Share leadership by appointing leaders for hosting, meals, prayer, and mission.
• Participate in monthly leaders’ meetings.
• Participate in monthly coaching meetings.

5. Say Who You Are (And Who You Aren’t) Every Week

• Graciously deconstruct the small group/Bible study/social group approach and reconstruct your Missional Community.
• Reaffirm your Missional Community practices each week.

6. Get Out of the Living Room

• Be on mission every month as a community.
• Celebrate life and good culture.

7. Live the Missionally

• Read and apply the 8 ways to be missional.
• Live out loud. Let gospel talk be ordinary talk, not obnoxious but genuine.

8. Eat, Laugh, Pray, and Serve Together

• A healthy group does all four.

9. Share Your Stories

• In the living room.
• On the blog.
• In social media. Use Twitter or Facebook to facilitate community (not replace it).

10. Come to Serve (Not Just Be Served) on Sundays

• Missional community doesn’t stop on Sundays.
• Always be the church.

From Jonathan Dodson with Nate Navarro on TheResurgence.com

• Men need to see a vision. They need a mental image of the final outcome.
• Men need social time, not just meeting times. Social time on the golf course, at the pool hall, on the ball field, etc… is what will make the meeting time come to life.
• Men are warriors and need an enemy to fight and a battle to win. This is just the heart of a man. Be certain they know who the enemy is, Satan.
• Men need a bar raised high. Boredom sets in quickly when a goal is easily attainable.
• Men don’t read. Many men are not going to pick up a book and read it. You may be a book junky, they may junk the book.
• Men will dodge real life issues by deflecting and talking about facts. For instance, you might ask a guy what God is teaching him during his daily time with God. His response might be to tell you he had his quiet time three times this week. You’ll need to dig deeper.
• Men need a safe place and a safe person to tell real life stuff to but they need time to know they can trust you. You’ll need to open the door to this kind of transparency by revealing your stuff first.
• Men will lie to you. Every accountability list I’ve ever seen had as the last question something like this… “Were any of your responses misleading or all out lies?” Don’t declare a man the enemy because of this, he’s been taught by society to protect his influence in this way. Simply help him step into the light of honesty so God can redeem his heart.
• Men need MODELS, not INFORMATION.

Helpful list from Rick Howerton, although I disagree with the one about reading. Men need to be about the Book but they also need to be willing to read other materials as well.