First 9Marks gave us the Do-It-Yourself Marriage Retreat, which was great for Julie and I. Now, they’ve given us the Man-Treat “Diagnostic Weekend”. I’ve always struggled with having close male friendships and keeping in regular communication.  The Man-Treat would be amazing to do regularly with some brothers-in-Christ as a way to reconnect, encourage, and challenge each other.

The idea of this document is to guide your morning quiet time and reflection and to foster your evening conversations.  The goal is to scan your life, talk thoughtfully with other brothers who love you and know you well and to emerge with a practical plan for a) playing offense (e.g. what do I need to start doing to grow in my faith and to exercise faithfulness in the spheres of responsibilities you’ve been given) and b) playing defense (e.g. in what areas is sin creeping in and you need to aggressively fight it).

Pray before and during your time – so that a spirit of grace, charity, encouragement and trust in God’s faithfulness permeates your time.

Highlights of your past year

• Remember the past year.  Note any highlights (chronological and social), including highpoints and low points.
• Our God is a God of providence (Gen 50: 19; Rom 8:28), who brings all things into our life for our good. Reflect on what the events of the past year have taught you about God, yourself, your spouse, etc.
• Reflect on and list at least three ways you can give thanks to God for blessings of the past year.

Sphere 1: Personal Discipleship

• In general, how are you doing spiritually?  How has your love for God grown?  Has your love for others grown? If so, how?
• How is your devotional time going? (Specifically Scripture study & prayer) What are you reading and learning in your quiet times right now? What do you want to accomplish in QTs in this upcoming year?
• Has your life been governed increasingly by God’s Word?  Is there another spiritual discipline that you would like to develop? (fasting, scripture memorization, etc.)
• Do you still grieve over sin? (Whitney)
• Name one sin that you continue to struggle with.  What could I do to help you with this struggle?
• How are you growing in the characteristics of being a godly man (I Tim 3:1-7)
  • above reproach
  • temperate
  • self-controlled
  • respectable
  • hospitable
  • able to teach
  • not given to drunkenness
  • not violent but gentle
  • not quarrelsome
  • not a lover of money
  • manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect
  • good reputation with outsiders
• How are you doing managing your health and eating?
• How are you doing managing your finances?  Are you tithing?  Do you have debt?  What are you doing to eliminate it?

Sphere 2: Husbanding

• How is your marriage going?
• Name 3 things that bring you joy about your wife?
• What are you tempted to struggle with about your wife and your marriage?
• Are you getting home at a consistent time?  Are you prioritizing date nights?
• How can you improve in your communication with your wife?
• Are you fostering romance, intimacy and sex?
• How can you improve as a leader in your marriage?

Sphere 3: Parenting

• Name one thing about each of your children that brings you great joy.  What are each of your kids struggling with? What can you do to shepherd them through these struggles?
• Are you spending quality time with each of your children?  What makes it difficult to do this?
• Do you spend time in family worship?  What could you do to make this a more consistent part of your family diet?
• In general, how are you doing raising your children? What can you do to improve your parenting? – What do you want to keep the same and what do you want to change in order to shepherd your kids well spiritually?

Sphere 4: Church/Ministry

• What ministries did you participate in this past year?
• Who are you discipling? And, who is your accountability partner?
• What should be your ministry goals for this upcoming year (i.e., Bible study, hospitality and fellowship, charity work/support)?
• Do you delight in being involved in church? If so, name one thing about our church that currently brings you great joy.  Name one thing that would increase your joy in church?
• How can you be an encouragement to the elders and staff at our church?
• How can you foster greater unity in our church?

Sphere 5: Vocation/Work

• How is your current work situation?
• Are you working too many hours?  Are you traveling too much?  Are you working smart and/or wasting time during your workday with personal distractions?
• Are you having any work conflicts?  How can you see your pride, arrogance and ego contributing to these?
• Are you being faithful in your workplace?  How do you see that you are working to “the glory of God”?
• What opportunities do you have for advancement?  What toll might these new responsibilities place on your life, family and ministry?   How are you applying biblical wisdom to these decisions?
• Are you in a place that you can see as your long-term calling?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?  10 years?

Harvey Turner is the church planter of Living Stones in Reno, NV and a fellow Re:Train grad. He recently posted on his blog some helpful Bible passages on church discipline as well as insights into how they are applied in the life of Living Stones. These are helpful for everyone, not just pastors, to read and meditate on.

Matthew 18:15-17

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

• This passage from Matthew 18 deals specifically with personal one-to-one instances of sin, but may be applied in other situations. Matthew 18: 15 to 17 contains a three step process for dealing with person-to-person conflict. Step one is to confront the person who has sinned against you and ask him to repent. If he does not repent after step one, move on to step two. Step two, take one or two other people, along with you to confront the individual about the sin against you and ask him to repent. If he does not repent after step two, move on to step three. Step three is to take the situation to the church. At Living Stones, this may be applied in one of two ways: either take it to your community group for confrontation (assuming you are in the same community group) or bring the sin and the situation to an elder who will bring it back to the elder board for a decision of how church discipline should be applied.

Why is church discipline not brought before the church as a whole?

Romans 16:17

“I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.”

• Romans 16 is dealing with individuals in the congregation who engage in two specific types of sin. The first sin is the sin of division within the church. The second sin is the sin of false doctrine in the church. These individuals are to be avoided and reported to the elders of the church for follow-up and reconciliation.

1 Corinthians 5:1-13

• First Corinthians 5:1 to 13 (too long to quote here) details a situation in the church involving gross, unrepentant sexual immorality. The specific situation had to do with an individual having sex with his father’s wife. The apostolic exhortation is immediate removal from the congregation until such a time that the individual comes to repentance. This situation is an instance of immediate removal from the church and may be applied in extreme cases.

2 Thessalonians 3:6-7, 14-15

“Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us. For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you … .If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.

• 2 Thessalonians 3:6 to 7, and 14 to 15 give us a specific situation of church discipline and a timeless principle of church discipline. The situation involved disobedience to the apostolic (and now scriptural) command to work and provide for one’s family. The timeless principle to apply to modem church discipline at Living Stones is that if an individual blatantly disobeyed a scriptural command and persists in that disobedience after being urged to repent, the individual is to be disengaged that he may be ashamed. In the process, he is not to be regarded as an enemy, but continually warned as a brother. Persistence in a particular sin may require removal from the church for the purpose of repentance and restoration.

Titus 3:10-11

“As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.”

• Titus gives us a pattern of dealing with individuals in the church who stir up divisions. The individual is to be warned once and then twice and if there is no repentance the individual is to be removed from the congregation because of his potential to harm the church through division.

Hebrews 13:17

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.”

• Hebrews gives us the charge of leadership to carry out leading responsibilities which include church discipline and the congregational duty to obey and follow leadership. This exhortation is for the purpose of the leadership carrying out its duties with joy.

Galatians 6:1

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”

• This scripture is instructive in church discipline in terms of the heart attitude and spiritual awareness that church discipline requires. An individual should be walking in the power of the Holy Spirit and carry out the church discipline with a spirit of gentleness. As a church discipline is carried out, the individual should be in a state of constant self-evaluation in regard to the many temptations that could accompany such work.

James 5:19-20

“My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”

• James instructs us on the motivation behind church discipline. Church discipline should never be motivated out of anger, or pride, or woundedness, or self-righteousness, but rather to restore the individual to Christ and his people. The motive is love, the means is love, and the result is love that springs from the gospel.

My Re:Train buddy P.J. Tibayan posted ideas for a Los Angeles Pastor’s Fellowship along with questions to ask during their time together. These are very helpful and something I hope to use someday when gathering for fellowship with pastors in Ann Arbor.

What are barriers to the gospel that you’ve identified in our city?

How do you personally develop relationships with gospel intentionality?

How do you cultivate romance and a mutually edifying relationship with your spouse?  (for single pastors attending: what issues do you face as a single pastor when it comes to the area of romance and marriage?)

How have you developed leaders and shared leadership?

Do you practice membership?  If so, how do you do it?

How do you lead your church to be an encouragement to other churches and Christians outside of your church?

How do you equip your members to evangelize?

What is your personal Bible reading plan and how do you cultivate joy in Christ and holiness in your life?

What are some challenges you face in preaching/teaching?

What would an ideal pastors’ fellowship look like?  What would they do?  How often would they meet?

What does personal accountability look like for you?  To whom are you accountable?  Is it structured or organic?  To what degree?