Most of us are familiar with the “one another” commands of the New Testament. In the study guide for  Gospel in Life: Grace Changes Everything, Tim Keller offers a helpful taxonomy under the categories of affirming one another, sharing with one another, and serving one another. These form, he says, “nine ‘community-building practices’—specific behaviors that build Christian community.” For a more detailed unpacking of each point, see pp. 58-71.

Affirm

1. Affirm one another’s strengths, abilities, and gifts.

• Romans 12:10: “Honor one another”
• James 5:9: “Don’t grumble against each other”
• Romans 12:3-8: Confirm the gifts of one another

2. Affirm one another’s equal importance in Christ.

• Romans 15:7: “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you”
• 1 Corinthians 12:25: “Have equal concern for each other”
• 1 Peter 5:5: “Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another”
• James 2:1: “Don’t show favoritism”

3. Affirm one another through visible affection.

• Romans 16:16: “Greet one another with a holy kiss”
• James 1:19: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak”
• Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another”
• 1 Thessalonians 3:12: “[May] your love increase and overflow for each other”

Share

4. Share one another’s space, goods, and time.

• Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love”
• 1 Peter 4:9: “Offer hospitality to one another”
• Galatians 6:10: “As we have opportunity, let us do good”

5. Share one another’s needs and problems.

• Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other’s burdens”
• 1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Encourage one another”
• Hebrews 3:13: “Encourage one another daily”

6. Share one another’s beliefs, thinking, and spirituality.

• Colossians 3:16: “Teach and admonish one another”
• Ephesians 5:19: “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs”
• Romans 12:16: “Live in harmony with one another”
• 1 Corinthians 1:10: “Agree with one another”

Serve

7. Serve one another through accountability.

• James 5:16: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other”
• Romans 15:14: “Instruct one another”
• Ephesians 4:25: “Speak truthfully”

8. Serve one another through forgiveness and reconciliation.

• Ephesians 4:2: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love”
• Colossians 3:13: “Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another”
• Galatians 5:25: Don’t provoke or envy one another
• James 4:11: “Do not slander one another”
• Matthew 5:23-24; 18:15: Reestablish broken relationships with one another

9. Serve one another’s interests rather than our own.

• Hebrews 10:24: “spur one another on toward love and good deeds”
• Romans 15:1-2: Don’t please yourself but please others
• Galatians 5:13: “Serve one another”

From Justin Taylor

From a three part series written by Jonathan Dodson

Listen to Their Story

Ask Good Questions

• Can you elaborate on that?
• How did that happen?
• How does that make you feel?
• Did you feel alone or supported?
• Were you afraid or confident?
• How did you respond?
• How are you feeling now?
• What concerns you the most about this?

Listen in order to Speak Gospel Encouragement

• What grace can you affirm in their life?
  • That’s a really helpful insight.
  • It’s been so challenging to hear you talk about your neighbor
• What victory can you celebrate?
  • We’ve seen God answer your prayer for less people pleasing
  • Isn’t it awesome how God provided this job for you?
• What progress have you seen in their faith?
  • You are fighting depression really well
  • I’ve really seen you grow in this area
• What are some ways you do this?

Move the Conversation Along Deliberately

• Develop Sermon Discussion Questions: Progress from 1) anyone can answer to 2) a challenge 3) the deeper heart idol or lie 4) what needs to change 5) How the Bible shows us we can change. Lead discussions by trying to guide people roughly through this progression.

• Ask Transitional Questions:
  • Follow up off-base or incorrect comments with “What do you guys think?”
  • Anyone else relate to or struggle with that?
  • Tom, we haven’t heard from you, what do you think?
  • Nate, can you hold onto that comment so we can hear from someone else who hasn’t shared tonight?
  • Allow silence…
  • What are some ways you do this?

Discern Their Story

Empathize with Their Story

• Are you discouraged? Where are you doubting?
• That is so difficult. Ugh!
• Does anyone else struggle with that?
• Can we pray for you right now?
• Bring up the issue in the next meeting.

Discern the Heart

To have good gospel conversations, we need to help people discern their heart in the midst of their life story. We discern by relying on the Spirit and the Word to see our heart motivations in our stories. Be sure to communicate your love and acceptance regardless of their struggle and make sure they know that you have heard their story.

• In that situation I would be tempted to blame my co-worker, what about you guys?
• Is there a subtle lie you might be believing here?
• What do you want most out of the situation?
• What are you longing for?
• Where do you feel like you were wronged?
• What is most important to you in that moment?

Additional Questions to Discern Idols of the Heart (adapted from Counterfeit Gods).

• Where are you spending your money?
• Where does your imagination take you? What do you daydream about?
• Where are your emotions uncontrollable? What do you find yourself longing for, angry over, fearful of? There is your idol.
• How do you respond to unanswered prayers or dashed hopes?

Redemptively Retell their Story

Apply the Gospel to Your Own Story

• Be a Lead Repenter. It is important that the leader be a “lead repenter” when answering heart-penetrating questions. This does not mean you are always the first to answer the question; however, it does mean that you come to the gathering ready to share how the Spirit has lead you into repentance in your own life. Lead repenting begins at home in your heart and naturally carries over in how you lead during gatherings. Be bold with your brokenness and invite words of correction and encouragement.
  • Confess Your Own Sin & Idolatry: ask for prayer, help, encouragement
  • Apply the Gospel to Yourself: So often we become focused on discerning the wounds and cracks in others hearts that we forget to apply the gospel to our own hearts first. EX: Parenting. Let your CG see you apply the healing balm of the gospel to your own wounds. This will dissolve a self-righteous hierarchy as well as show them how to apply the gospel to their own lives.

• Lead with Grace. In redemptively retelling others’ stories the goal is not to publically rebuke, but rather, to graciously point them through their circumstances to Christ in the midst of their struggle.

Ways to Lead with the Gospel

Listen and Empathize with a person’s story and then Retell their story back to them but with a twist of redemption. Don’t take sides, but infuse the Redeemer’s Story into their life.  Do it in a fresh way that reveals that Jesus is not a wonder cure, but that he is crucial and concrete to her life. Show how Jesus is the only key to fit the lock of their problems. How then can we redemptively retell their story? How can we lead people well in the Gospel?

• Sometimes say Nothing. At times, no words are needed. While sharing a person will often verbally correct their wrong motives and actions. If that is the case, you can simply affirm them in their conclusions and point them to Jesus who is sufficient for their failures and strong for their successes. See Christ, not hear Christ.

• Graciously expose Lies. Ask them if there is a lie they might believing. As sin surfaces, it is very tempting to either shift the blame or dismiss the sin.

• Blame-shifting. We are often tempted to lay blame on our circumstances. For instance, we might blame our sexual sin or over-eating on the absence of a girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse. We might explain our anger by saying “It’s the Kids fault. Childcare situation.” Angry or depressed because you aren’t marred, so you say: “There are too many married people in this group/church. No one my age.” When blame shifting occurs, you can ask the group in general “Do guys really think Jane is gossiping because she only has one trusted friend?”
• Sin-skirting. As a community that speaks the truth in love, we have an obligation to not allow one another to skirt sin, to glaze with moralism or indifference. For example: “Yeah, I’d be angry too.” “It will get better.” “Don’t be a doormat!”

In order to make the gospel turn from listening and discerning the heart, we have to point one another to a better God, a better promise, a superior Savior. At this point in the conversation, draw the community’s attention to the gospel in the passage.

• Point to Gospel Promises & Stories
  • How does our passage address your heart issues? Look for heart, idol, lie, deceit, worship, passion, love language.
  • What alternative promise does Scripture offer us? Jesus is a better Satisfaction, Intimacy, Joy, Defender, Advocate, Lover, Counselor.
  • Can you think of any Bible stories, parables, promises or truths that would help us here?
  • How does the gospel address this?
  • How does Jesus supplant and replace our idol of success? We know Jesus is better but “How”?
  • How is Jesus better than X?

• The Four G’s (from You Can Change, Chester)

• 1. God is Great so we don’t have to be in control
• 2. God is Glorious so we don’t have to fear others
• 3. God is Good so we don’t have to look elsewhere
• 4. God is Gracious so we don’t have to prove ourselves

Before the Service

• Read the passage in advance
• Pray for the gathering
• Greet newcomers (act like you are the host)
• Think strategically about who you should sit with
• Arrive Early

During the Service

• Sing with gusto (even if you can’t sing)
• Help with logistics (if there’s a problem, help fix it)
• Don’t be distracted
• Listen carefully
• Be aware of your facial expressions (you may affect others and discourage preachers)

After the Service

• Connect newcomers with others
• Get newcomers information
• Start a conversation about the sermon
• Ask someone how they became a Christian
• Stay late

From Mike McKinley

• We elevate cultural relevance when we focus on personal or social transformation and not Gospel transformation.
• We elevate cultural relevance when our sermons are so practical that they lack a Gospel priority.
• We elevate cultural relevance when our outreach demeans others who preach the Gospel.
• We elevate cultural relevance when personal evangelism is an oxymoron at our churches.
• We elevate cultural relevance when attendance is celebrated more than conversions.
• We elevate cultural relevance when not offending seekers is often more important than telling the Gospel.

The good news is that cultural relevance and the Gospel aren’t at odds. Relevance is a tool to be used by all churches from the painfully hip to the quietly liturgical, because it is the necessary consequence of doing things God’s way. It is a missiological principle that helps us fulfill the goal of getting the Gospel to the greatest amount of people. Whatever community you find yourself in, use relevance with discernment and the Gospel with liberality.

From Ed Stetzer’s post Ruining and Recovering Relevance

Pray with her for her out loud.

Read [and reflect on] the passage preached last Sunday.

Read [and reflect on] the passage being preached this Sunday.

Pray with her for others.

From Brian Croft at Practical Shepherding

In his message at the National Conference, Francis Chan highlighted the importance of loving the people to whom he preaches. He mentioned seven questions that he asks himself in preparing to preach. Here are the seven questions:

1. Am I worried about what people think of my message or what God thinks? (Teach with fear)
2. Do I genuinely love these people? (Teach with love)
3. Am I accurately presenting this passage? (Teach with accuracy)
4. Am I depending on the Holy Spirit’s power or my own cleverness? (Teach with power)
5. Have I applied this message to my own life? (Teach with integrity)
6. Will this message draw attention to me or to God? (Teach with humility)
7. Do the people really need this message? (Teach with urgency)

HT: Andrew Jacobson via the Desiring God blog.

Sojournkids.com comes through again with a great article on reducing separation anxiety when dropping kids off for children’s worship at church. I appreciate their desire to serve families and their specific instructions to parents, like “During the week prior to the service, parents will need to repeat a simple phrase, repeatedly using the same words to encourage your child about attending SojournKids.” I also really dig that the people who minister to the children are called SojournKids servants, and not workers or helpers. Here’s a quote reflecting this

The Sojourn servants are willing to love and serve both you and your children during this season of parenting adjustment.  They are serving in SojournKids because they desire to care for your children and so that you can attend a worship gathering without having to care for your child.  They love your child, and that is why they are serving in this ministry.  Allow us to minister to YOU so that YOU are free to worship the One, True and Living God!

The comments at the end of the post make clear the value to the parents and also the selflessness of the SojournKids servants. There is much to be learned and to model.

Sin is a heart issue that often manifests itself in external behaviors. To kill sin we must get to the heart of the matter. I have found it helpful to ask personalized gospel-centered questions to uncover the deep-rooted idolatries of my heart. Because we encounter temptation and sin in different ways, personalized questions can be very helpful in leading us to repentance and faith in Jesus.

How can we formulate these questions? Here are a few things to consider when probing the heart:

Personality Type

Are you naturally an introvert or extrovert? Do you get angry easily? Are you a Type “A” individual, constantly focused on completing your to-do list? Are you passive or shy? Knowing a person’s personality will help you penetrate their heart.

Consider someone who is a naturally strong-willed achiever. They might have the tendency to treat their spirituality in the same way. It becomes more about what they can do for Jesus than what He has already done for them.

Ask questions that are specific to their personality:

• Are you trusting in your own strength or in the strength of Jesus?
• Are you striving for God or resting in God?
• Are you fighting well against finding your worth in your work to finding your worth in Jesus?

Reccurring Outside Influences

What are the reccurring situations and circumstances that offer the most temptation? Are there people who you struggle to love? Are there times when you work late or are alone for extended periods of time?

Consider the person who has an unruly neighbor. One who is constantly nagging or creating trouble for the family. Ask questions in light of the situation:

• How are you loving “Bob” well?
• Do you see “Bob” as a problem or a person made in the image of God?
• Are you asking Jesus to grant you patience and genuine love?
• Do you know where Bob could use prayer? Have you offered to pray for him?

Tendencies Toward Sin

Where have you struggled in the past? What are the areas of habitual sin? We all have vices. Sin that gets the best of us is the sin we must fight hardest against.

Consider the man who is gluttonous. He might be fighting well, but still has a strong temptation to find fulfillment by indulging in too much food and drink.

Ask sin-specific questions that do not promote legalism:

• Are you being intoxicated with grace or with alcohol?
• Are you being satisfied with Christ or with food this week?
• What is consuming your thoughts: Food or Christ?

These questions evolve with our relationships. The more you know the men or women in your Fight Club the easier it is to prod at the heart and uncover the sin beneath the sin. Make a habit of asking one another personalized, gospel-centered questions. As you do, you will cut sin off at the root and turn to see Christ in the height of his glory!

It is important to note that just asking questions isn’t enough. Our questions must turn the corner and point others to the truth of the gospel. Only surfacing sin without bringing the hope of the Gospel produces wounded Christians. It is necessary to know your sin but only so that you can fight your sin and trust and enjoy your Savior.

From JT Caldwell at GospelCenteredDiscipleship.com

I would say in most cases No. Kevin DeYoung brings up some good questions to think about before canceling your corporate worship

1. Consider practically if this is a good strategy. I know in our church if we skipped worship one Sunday we’d miss a lot of visitors. What if the one Sunday you’re out raking leaves is the one Sunday three non-Christian friends decide to check out your church, or the Sunday that one of your members was bringing in her non-Christian family, or the Sunday that a fringe member was going to venture back to church? Maybe you just miss these folks one week. That happens. But at least consider if the “out serving” strategy could prevent you from serving the people you are actually trying to reach.

2. Consider if there is good (or any) historical precedence for routinely canceling your worship service. Did not the apostolic church meet weekly on the first day of the week (1 Cor. 16:2), even renaming the day “the Lord’s Day” because of its unique significance (Rev. 1:10)? Not long after, Justin Martyr explained that “On the day which is called Sunday, all who live in the cities or in the countryside gather together in one place” to hear the word read and taught, communion celebrated, and prayers offered with thanksgiving. Granted, in some contexts (I’m thinking the Muslim world) Sunday worship may not be possible. But even there the Christians are still gathering for weekly worship. Given the tremendous weight of church history and apostolic example, we should have pretty good reasons for ditching the worship service in order to do something else.

3. Consider that all of life is worship, but corporate worship is still unique. Paul told the Corinthians to “do all to the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31), but he also recognized there was something unique about the Corinthian community when they “come together as a church” (11:18). Sunday is the Lord’s Day, a day for rejoicing in the Lord’s resurrection. This calls for “worship worship” as opposed to “all of life worship.” There’s a distinction between being the church and being “in church” (1 Cor. 14:19). Six days are for work, but on only one day do we gather to worship. Think of what you are missing when you make that day for worshiping by serving others instead of being served by God in worship.

4. Consider what it may communicate when you replace services with serving. It sounds like a good idea: let’s do something for the community instead of going to church for ourselves. But ultimately we worship because God summons us to worship. It is for ourselves (see below), but it is also for God. He commands it. So why cancel it instead of something else? But why not do the soup kitchen on Saturday or pump people’s gas on Friday night? I suppose it’s possible you can have some meaningful conversations explaining why you are a Christian and not in church. But it also seems quite likely that churches replace Sunday services with Sunday serving because that’s the time they are already meeting. It’s the best time to get most of your people doing something and it doesn’t require any more time out of their week. Except for doctors, police officers and the like serving in their professions, are there really service projects the church has to do on Sunday morning?

5. Consider that corporate worship is a means of grace. Theologians have always considered the right preaching of the word and the right administration of the sacraments to be channels of divine blessing. So why rob our people of grace? Isn’t the easy removal of a weekly worship service an indication that our view of worship is too puny? We’ve come to think of Sunday morning as a few songs and a little (or long) talk. We’ve forgotten that corporate worship, however small or feeble, is a reflection of the glorious worship offered continuously by saints and angels and creatures and elders. We’ve forgotten that the Lord’s Supper and Baptism are more than rituals. They are rivulets of grace. We’ve forgotten that a sermon is not a lecture but Christ speaking to us. Why would we want to skip all this? Why would we think that shutting this down for a week is the best way to serve a needy world? We can worship God by serving our neighbors, but once a week we are called to serve our neighbors by worshiping God.

Jonathan Leeman recently wrote on Word Ministry and Deed Ministry on the 9Marks Blog. Much of the content is from his upcoming book Reverberation: How God’s Word Gives Light, Freedom, and Action to His People. Here are quotes from Part 1

What’s needed, I think, is a conception of the whole that allows for distinctions or different emphases to be made. We must recognize that words and deeds are both necessary for mission or missions, but that they play different roles and are necessary in different ways. The Word declares what God has done. The good deed provides evidence for it.

This doesn’t sound as neat and tidy as “either/or” or “both/and.” But remember, this is a complex subject, and striking the right balance may require a solution with more nuance. We don’t want an either/or, but nor do we want a both/and which smothers all distinctions and emphases. We want a both/and with differing emphases.

When we speak of the word being “central”—a term which I take from D. A. Carson—we acknowledge that the Word is of utmost importance; it’s the highest peak in the landscape. But the metaphor of “central” allow for there to be other features on the landscape. It connects the central thing with everything else.

Word ministry really is the most important. It’s the highest mountain. But that mountain is resting upon everything surrounding it. The Scripture makes it manifestly clear that our deeds should adorn our doctrine for the sake of witness.

Here are quotes from Part 2

Are good works necessary for the Word and Spirit to give new life? Certainly not! The last chapter and the first half of this chapter, hopefully, have dispensed with that idea. People get saved listening to hypocritical preachers and anonymous radio preachers. You can proclaim the gospel without deeds, but you cannot proclaim the gospel without words.

But aren’t good deeds necessary for preserving the public reputation of the church and its Lord? For demonstrating that he means what he says? For demonstrating that we have integrity? Generally speaking, yes! Listen to how one biblical minister advises another: “Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us” (Titus 2:7-8).

The gospel Word creates gospel life in an individual and in a church. When that individual and church then turn to minister to others, their word and life should be integrated—have integrity. In one sense, there are not two things (two wings) but one thing with two distinct parts—a faithful witness in word and deed. Also—and this is very important—the two distinct parts are doing distinct things, unlike two wings. The Word is doing things that the deed cannot do: it’s pointing to an invisible God who has sent his Son to die on the cross; it’s calling all to repentance; it’s freeing the enslaved; and it’s giving life to the dead. The deed is then doing something the Word cannot do: it’s demonstrating or picturing the effects of this gospel Word. It’s testifying to its life-changing power. The Word is the main character; the deed is the supporting character.

To summarize: are deeds “necessary” for raising the dead and freeing the enslaved? From the standpoint of the Spirit’s work, no. From the standpoint of Christianity’s public credibility, generally yes. The Spirit’s work will produce evidence in our deeds. And every good deed becomes one more witness who testifies on behalf of the gospel’s truth and power.