Most of us are familiar with the “one another” commands of the New Testament. In the study guide for  Gospel in Life: Grace Changes Everything, Tim Keller offers a helpful taxonomy under the categories of affirming one another, sharing with one another, and serving one another. These form, he says, “nine ‘community-building practices’—specific behaviors that build Christian community.” For a more detailed unpacking of each point, see pp. 58-71.

Affirm

1. Affirm one another’s strengths, abilities, and gifts.

• Romans 12:10: “Honor one another”
• James 5:9: “Don’t grumble against each other”
• Romans 12:3-8: Confirm the gifts of one another

2. Affirm one another’s equal importance in Christ.

• Romans 15:7: “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you”
• 1 Corinthians 12:25: “Have equal concern for each other”
• 1 Peter 5:5: “Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another”
• James 2:1: “Don’t show favoritism”

3. Affirm one another through visible affection.

• Romans 16:16: “Greet one another with a holy kiss”
• James 1:19: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak”
• Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another”
• 1 Thessalonians 3:12: “[May] your love increase and overflow for each other”

Share

4. Share one another’s space, goods, and time.

• Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love”
• 1 Peter 4:9: “Offer hospitality to one another”
• Galatians 6:10: “As we have opportunity, let us do good”

5. Share one another’s needs and problems.

• Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other’s burdens”
• 1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Encourage one another”
• Hebrews 3:13: “Encourage one another daily”

6. Share one another’s beliefs, thinking, and spirituality.

• Colossians 3:16: “Teach and admonish one another”
• Ephesians 5:19: “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs”
• Romans 12:16: “Live in harmony with one another”
• 1 Corinthians 1:10: “Agree with one another”

Serve

7. Serve one another through accountability.

• James 5:16: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other”
• Romans 15:14: “Instruct one another”
• Ephesians 4:25: “Speak truthfully”

8. Serve one another through forgiveness and reconciliation.

• Ephesians 4:2: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love”
• Colossians 3:13: “Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another”
• Galatians 5:25: Don’t provoke or envy one another
• James 4:11: “Do not slander one another”
• Matthew 5:23-24; 18:15: Reestablish broken relationships with one another

9. Serve one another’s interests rather than our own.

• Hebrews 10:24: “spur one another on toward love and good deeds”
• Romans 15:1-2: Don’t please yourself but please others
• Galatians 5:13: “Serve one another”

From Justin Taylor

Before the Service

• Read the passage in advance
• Pray for the gathering
• Greet newcomers (act like you are the host)
• Think strategically about who you should sit with
• Arrive Early

During the Service

• Sing with gusto (even if you can’t sing)
• Help with logistics (if there’s a problem, help fix it)
• Don’t be distracted
• Listen carefully
• Be aware of your facial expressions (you may affect others and discourage preachers)

After the Service

• Connect newcomers with others
• Get newcomers information
• Start a conversation about the sermon
• Ask someone how they became a Christian
• Stay late

From Mike McKinley

Pray with her for her out loud.

Read [and reflect on] the passage preached last Sunday.

Read [and reflect on] the passage being preached this Sunday.

Pray with her for others.

From Brian Croft at Practical Shepherding

From Kevin DeYoung – Part 1 and Part 2. I’ve highlighted some great thoughts

1. Take advantage of opportunities to be taught by others. Get the most out of books, lectures, and special speakers in seminary, because soon you’ll be be doing all the putting out with few people to put it in to you.
2. Beware of closing your heart to people.
3. Be a pastor for the whole church, not just part of it (don’t be just one group’s champion).
4. Establish your priorities at the church early and clearly. I suggest: preach, pray, and people.
5. Work hard to foster deep spiritual fellowship with your closest leaders (e.g., staff, elders, deacons).
6. Don’t try to do too much too soon. Expect change to happen very slowly. Whenever possible, work for desired change by positive reinforcement, rather than by criticism.
7. While you shouldn’t attempt too much change right away, if you are forced to make a hard change or take a tough stand, do it decisively.
8. Expect people to leave your church when you come.  Be kind when they do.  Follow up, ask why they’re leaving, pray for them, then move on. Don’t let a few folks on the way out determine the plans for the rest of the church.
9. Be personal instead of academic. A conversation is usually better than a paper.
10. Beware of technology: wasting time on power points, frittering hours away on Facebook, getting bogged down in emails, doing all your pastoral communication by email instead of phone calls or personal visits.
11. If you are good at administration, don’t do too much.  If you are bad, get someone to help you immediately.
12. Plan for prayer days.
13. Learn to think in 5 year, 1 year, 6 months, and 1 month increments.  When you start out at a church you’ll feel three months behind everyone else; you need to be six months ahead.
14. Guard your day off and don’t let your work creep into your evenings at home.  You’ll be miserable and ineffective if your life becomes a rhythm-less mush.
15. Spend more time getting to know your people and less time trying to figure out the culture of your city.
16. Remember: you are not the only special person in the church. Don’t get offended if you’re not invited to a wedding or they ask the other guy to do the baptism. It’s silly to feel threatened when congregants are closer to another staff member or lay leader than they are to you.
17. Don’t minister just to keep people happy. Don’t be the pastor who does all the counseling, all the teaching, and all the praying because “that’s what people expect” and you “don’t want to let them down.” You’ll burn yourself out, stifle the gifts of others, and keep your church smaller than it needs to be.
18. Don’t compare. There are dozens of factors that make a church successful. Many of them are out of your control–most notably, God’s sovereignty.
19. Christian maturity entails more than theological acumen. Don’t assume the dudes reading Bavinck will be the most fruitful, faithful, and effective leaders. Could be, but that’s far from certain.
20. God opposes the proud but gives grace to humble. Pray this into your soul before and after every sermon.
21. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Get in touch with seminary profs.  Try to get a top notch speaker in once in awhile.  Make contact with churches your respect. Build a network and learn from others.
22. Keep reading.  Please keep reading.  Boldly ask for a book allowance. The rule is not absolute, but I question a man’s call to ministry if he does not like to read.
23. Man is not justified by preaching.  Some sermons are a home run. Other times you’re lucky to bunt your way on.
24. Don’t preach your issues from seminary. I can almost guarantee no one in your church doubts the Pauline authorship of Ephesians. It says “Paul” in their Bibles so they’re good to go.
25. Sometime in your first two years, preach about prayer, evangelism, giving, and the authority of Scripture.
26. Figure out what you believe about divorce and remarriage, and figure it out soon.
27. Build consensus whenever possible, but when you have to make an unpopular decision that will be unpopular don’t insist that everyone like it. Take your lumps and move on.
28. Be comfortable in your own shoes. Preach through your own personality. Learn from, but don’t try to clone, your heroes.
29. Accept the blessings God gives (and does not give) you. Some pastors have two talents. Some of five or ten. That’s just the way it is. Don’t be jealous of those with more or look down on those with fewer.
30. Develop warm relationship with other evangelical churches in your area. Pray for these churches. Direct people to their ministries when the situation fits. Be happy for their blessings. I realized early on I didn’t really want revival unless I was fine with it starting at the church down the street.
31. Pray that the Lord won’t give you success until you don’t want it anymore.
32. Don’t assume the worst about people, even if you’re suspicions are right. Better to be a little naive than a lot cynical.
33. Make time to make friends. In the long run neither you nor your church will regret the hours invested in personal relationships with other pastors, old friends from seminary, and kindred spirits in the congregation.
34. Have low expectations for people this year and high expectations for people in five years.
35. Figure out the membership class and member care. Set the bar high for both.
36. Train and evaluate potential leaders. You can endure a lot of hardship if you feel energized and supported by your closest leaders. Ministry will be a nightmare if your leadership team lacks unity and maturity.
37. Focus on the basics.  Don’t get distracted with the church website or the newsletter layout.  The pastor who works hard at his sermons, genuinely likes people, and really loves the Lord will be used by God.
38. Don’t expect the search committee to have any clue what they’re doing.
39. Love your wife. Spend time with your kids. Be very afraid if you no longer look forward to going home at the end of the day.
40. Be generous in giving credit to others and stingy in passing around the blame.
41. Learn to ignore some comments, some controversies, and, yes, some people.
42. Never use the pulpit to settle old scores. Do use it to honor faithful saints and co-laborers.
43. Tell your congregation you love them and are glad to be their pastor.
44. What your people need most from you is your own personal holiness. People want a pastor who has been with God.
45. Keep your passions in proportion.  Not everything matters as much as everything else. Keep the gospel front and center.

Harvey Turner is the church planter of Living Stones in Reno, NV and a fellow Re:Train grad. He recently posted on his blog some helpful Bible passages on church discipline as well as insights into how they are applied in the life of Living Stones. These are helpful for everyone, not just pastors, to read and meditate on.

Matthew 18:15-17

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

• This passage from Matthew 18 deals specifically with personal one-to-one instances of sin, but may be applied in other situations. Matthew 18: 15 to 17 contains a three step process for dealing with person-to-person conflict. Step one is to confront the person who has sinned against you and ask him to repent. If he does not repent after step one, move on to step two. Step two, take one or two other people, along with you to confront the individual about the sin against you and ask him to repent. If he does not repent after step two, move on to step three. Step three is to take the situation to the church. At Living Stones, this may be applied in one of two ways: either take it to your community group for confrontation (assuming you are in the same community group) or bring the sin and the situation to an elder who will bring it back to the elder board for a decision of how church discipline should be applied.

Why is church discipline not brought before the church as a whole?

Romans 16:17

“I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.”

• Romans 16 is dealing with individuals in the congregation who engage in two specific types of sin. The first sin is the sin of division within the church. The second sin is the sin of false doctrine in the church. These individuals are to be avoided and reported to the elders of the church for follow-up and reconciliation.

1 Corinthians 5:1-13

• First Corinthians 5:1 to 13 (too long to quote here) details a situation in the church involving gross, unrepentant sexual immorality. The specific situation had to do with an individual having sex with his father’s wife. The apostolic exhortation is immediate removal from the congregation until such a time that the individual comes to repentance. This situation is an instance of immediate removal from the church and may be applied in extreme cases.

2 Thessalonians 3:6-7, 14-15

“Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us. For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you … .If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.

• 2 Thessalonians 3:6 to 7, and 14 to 15 give us a specific situation of church discipline and a timeless principle of church discipline. The situation involved disobedience to the apostolic (and now scriptural) command to work and provide for one’s family. The timeless principle to apply to modem church discipline at Living Stones is that if an individual blatantly disobeyed a scriptural command and persists in that disobedience after being urged to repent, the individual is to be disengaged that he may be ashamed. In the process, he is not to be regarded as an enemy, but continually warned as a brother. Persistence in a particular sin may require removal from the church for the purpose of repentance and restoration.

Titus 3:10-11

“As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.”

• Titus gives us a pattern of dealing with individuals in the church who stir up divisions. The individual is to be warned once and then twice and if there is no repentance the individual is to be removed from the congregation because of his potential to harm the church through division.

Hebrews 13:17

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.”

• Hebrews gives us the charge of leadership to carry out leading responsibilities which include church discipline and the congregational duty to obey and follow leadership. This exhortation is for the purpose of the leadership carrying out its duties with joy.

Galatians 6:1

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”

• This scripture is instructive in church discipline in terms of the heart attitude and spiritual awareness that church discipline requires. An individual should be walking in the power of the Holy Spirit and carry out the church discipline with a spirit of gentleness. As a church discipline is carried out, the individual should be in a state of constant self-evaluation in regard to the many temptations that could accompany such work.

James 5:19-20

“My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”

• James instructs us on the motivation behind church discipline. Church discipline should never be motivated out of anger, or pride, or woundedness, or self-righteousness, but rather to restore the individual to Christ and his people. The motive is love, the means is love, and the result is love that springs from the gospel.

Ask yourself

• Is there someone to pray for?
• Is there someone needing counsel?
• Is there someone to encourage?
• Is there someone to hold accountable?
• Is there something to celebrate with someone?
• Is there a need to be met?
• Is there a leadership call to make?
• Is there a conflict to be resolved?

From Rick Howerton at Small Group World

1. view themselves as fellow and equal journiers longing to know God really and are committed to building a micro-Christian community together
2. will utilize the spiritual gifts, learned abilities, and resources they have been given on behalf of one another
3. are committed to the weekly small group meeting where we learn from one another, pray for one another, and see God work miracles when “two or three are gathered.” (Matt. 18:20)
4. will hold them accountable to do the spiritual disciplines as they birth spiritual maturity in us
5. purposefully and passionately direct one another to God and His Words found in the Bible when concluding how to deal with a difficult life issue, make a major decision, or determine the rightness or wrongness of a moral dilemma

1. loves the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love’s their neighbor as they love themselves (Mark 12:30 – 31)
2. understands that life is messy and that the leader will leverage the synergy of the group to help carry the load and remind the struggling group member of the hope that is in them in the messy times
3. is espousing and instilling a biblical world-view
4. is available as a sounding board and willing to give wise counsel when requested
5. will make sure that no known financial, emotional, or spiritual need will be glossed over but that the group leader will coalesce the spiritual gifts, abilities, and resources of the group members to meet those needs

From Rick Howerton

Every Small Group Pastor needs to know that their Senior Pastor…

1. believes so strongly that small groups are vital to the church’s goal of transformed lives that small groups is included as one of the church’s core values
2. will be her/his advocate to the Finance Team so that there is adequate budget monies for the training and equipping of the small group coaches, leaders, and all other players on the small group team
3. requires every staff member to be in a small group and is encouraging those in the ministry they lead to be in one too
4. is in or leading a small group and talking about it when teaching and preaching
5. will consistently (at least every 30 days) remind those who are attending the worship gathering that it is vital that they join a small group and how to do so

From Rick Howerton

Having never made pastoral visits before, and having never been visited by a pastor, it’s kind of a black box with lots of unknowns. David Murray’s overview of a “normal” pastoral visit is really helpful.

First, I prepare for visitation with prayer. I take a few minutes or so to pray for the family I am about to visit. During that time I make sure I know the names of both the adults and the children, I remind myself of what each is doing in their lives, and I make a mental note of any special needs or concerns that we had previously talked about.

Second, for the first 15 minutes or so of the visit, I try to chat to the family about what’s going on in their lives: how’s the job, the kids, school, etc. If there was some important local or national issue we might talk about that as well. Obviously, this sometimes stretches quite a bit beyond 15 minutes. And sometimes it is difficult to change the topic to something more “spiritual.” However, I like to “break the ice” in this way. I don’t think this is pragmatic or manipulative. As a pastor, I am interested in the spiritual welfare of my flock above everything else; but I am also interested in every area of their lives. I enjoy hearing about their vacations, their jobs, their schools, their friends, etc. I enjoy seeing and savoring the different personalities and characters. Often, issues arise in these conversations which we could never have predicted, taking us into the Scriptures in a very natural way (I’m always looking for opportunities to relate God’s Word to the person’s world). Usually it just helps everyone to relax a bit and makes it easier to move into more directly “spiritual” issues. I agree with the old saying, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.”

Sometimes I find it helpful to share a bit from my own life and family. I try to show that I have a normal family life with all its joys, worries, and sorrows. Obviously you have to be careful here. You don’t want to “let it all hang out,” and you don’t want to spend too much time talking about yourself. However, some people find it easier to open up if the pastor himself is prepared to do so.

Third, the main aim of a pastoral visit is to have a conversation about spiritual matters. Sometimes that’s very easy, as mature Christians especially will be used to pastoral visits and will probably have some spiritual questions to ask, or some spiritual topics they want to talk about. But, for the sake of this post, let’s assume that you are visiting people who are not used to spiritual conversation. How do you guide the conversation to produce a profitable discussion? Until now, I’ve never sat down and thought about what questions I ask people. But I’ve tried below to list some questions that have been helpful. It’s important to ask these questions in a friendly and natural way, rather than in an accusatory or “clipboard” way. Sometimes I find it easier to direct some of these questions to the children initially, as they often talk much more freely about spiritual matters.

• Is there anything you would like me to pray for?
• What have you been reading in your Bible? Anything that’s helped you or puzzled you?
• What do you find difficult about reading the Bible?
• What do you feel burdened about in prayer?
• Is there anything you would like to hear a sermon on? Any verses you would like explained?
• Are there any sermons that you’ve found helpful… confusing… challenging?
• What did you think about the sermon on…?
• Would you say you are going forward spiritually, or backwards?
• Are you reading any good Christian books? Is there anything you want to share from it?
• Have you found any verses that are helping you to live life and prepare for eternity?
• What gifts do you think the Lord has given you? Do you feel the church is making most use of your gifts?
• How would you describe yourself: Unsaved, saved and sure of it, or not sure?
• Do you think much about death and life after death? Do you feel prepared for that? How are you preparing?
• What is your hope of heaven? What reason will you give for being admitted there?
• What do you think of Jesus Christ?
• What would you most like to change in your life?
• What is your greatest fear?
• Are you facing any difficult challenges?
• Is there any one thing that stops you from following Christ?
• Children, what have you been learning in Sunday School?
• Do you have any questions for me?

Maybe only one question will be required to start a profitable conversation. The ultimate aim is to find out where people are spiritually, and how you can help them either to be saved, to be sanctified, or to be of more service to the church.

Fourth, finishing the visit can sometimes be difficult, especially with older and lonely people who have lots of time on their hands. You need to keep good track of the time (with unnoticed glances at a watch or clock), especially if you have another visit arranged. I usually let people know when I arrive that I have to be somewhere else at a certain time. That helps to focus the visit a bit, and also avoids people thinking you are bored with them, when you eventually have to draw the visit to a close. You can always arrange to return, if necessary.

And even if you don’t have anywhere else to go, don’t overstay your welcome. If you start to detect cues that it’s time for you to go (people obviously looking at watches, some members of the family disappearing, longer silences, etc), then go!

But not without prayer and reading of the Bible.

During the course of the conversation you should be making mental notes of matters for prayer. And in the concluding prayer, try to gather up these various pieces of information and pray about each of them – even trivial matters raised by young children. Also, try to pick a relevant chapter of Scripture to read, a chapter that speaks to their needs. Try to show how prayer and Bible reading should impact ordinary life. Maybe ask the children questions about the passage?

Fifth, pray about the visit in the car on the way home or when you get home. Maybe take notes about anything you should follow up on with a note in your diary to phone again in a few weeks. Also, maybe think about how a sermon might be able to help that family.