Pray with her for her out loud.

Read [and reflect on] the passage preached last Sunday.

Read [and reflect on] the passage being preached this Sunday.

Pray with her for others.

From Brian Croft at Practical Shepherding

Sojournkids.com comes through again with a great article on reducing separation anxiety when dropping kids off for children’s worship at church. I appreciate their desire to serve families and their specific instructions to parents, like “During the week prior to the service, parents will need to repeat a simple phrase, repeatedly using the same words to encourage your child about attending SojournKids.” I also really dig that the people who minister to the children are called SojournKids servants, and not workers or helpers. Here’s a quote reflecting this

The Sojourn servants are willing to love and serve both you and your children during this season of parenting adjustment.  They are serving in SojournKids because they desire to care for your children and so that you can attend a worship gathering without having to care for your child.  They love your child, and that is why they are serving in this ministry.  Allow us to minister to YOU so that YOU are free to worship the One, True and Living God!

The comments at the end of the post make clear the value to the parents and also the selflessness of the SojournKids servants. There is much to be learned and to model.

For most, the answer is no. Dustin Nickerson, one of my Re:Train cohort brothers, recently wrote an article on The Resurgence talking about Mars Hill’s move away from a big Youth Group party (with maybe a little Bible) to discipleship in small community. Challenging article and one that should be read by all Christians, but particular those in youth ministry.

“Does this church even have a youth ministry?”

I hear this question all the time, from Mars Hill members, visitors, and people who have never set foot within our doors. And the short answer to the question is “no.” At least not what most people would consider a youth ministry.

What’s really being asked is “Does this church gather all its teenagers on Wednesday nights, have monthly lock-ins, go on summer mission trips to Mexico, and have attractional, flashy, and really expensive winter and summer retreats?” The answer is a gentle, but emphatic, “no.” Not anymore. Why? Three reasons:

1. Statistically, it isn’t working.
2. Discipleship as seen in Scripture is minimal.
3. The Holy Spirit told us to do otherwise.

The Statistics Say It All

The term “working” might be a little nebulous, but youth pastors know those stats. We know that somewhere between 60–80% of teens who are active in churches stop going altogether in their twenties. Yet many churches still cling to this model created decades ago, hoping they will be the exception.

Look at the students in your chairs. If you were convinced that six out of ten were going to leave the church once they go to college, would you stick with what you’re doing? The point of all ministry is disciple-making. Ask yourself, Youth Pastor, does that happen on a Wednesday night through your games, skits, teen worship band, videos, and 20-minute message?

Discipleship Is Crucial

A little over a year ago, it became absolutely clear that I was leading a ministry that wasn’t focused on making disciples. My leaders had a heart to disciple, but how could they in 90 minutes that were filled with programming? Any disciple-making that I or my leaders were doing was extracurricular.

We had to get into the lives of our students.

Wednesday night groups were cancelled. As opposed to everyone coming together, we broke into community groups spread throughout our region and connected by gender and geography. Suddenly, our students’ “youth group” experience was 5-10 other teenagers meeting in a home with two adult leaders wrestling through the Scriptures, bearing burdens (Galatians 6:2), confessing sins and praying for each other (James 5:16), teaching and admonishing (Colossians 3:16), and rebuking one another (2 Timothy 3:16).

Suddenly, discipleship started happening—every week.

Change as the Holy Spirit Guides You

I’ve grown sick of attractional youth ministry. These ministries eat up huge chunks of the budget, their pastors are under immense pressure, and at times, their satisfaction in Jesus varies with the number of teenagers that show up on a given Wednesday night. I know because I’ve been there.

And the Holy Spirit guided us elsewhere. I can’t overstate this point. There was real conviction when I examined the ministry that God had entrusted to me. I was restless and burdened, knowing something had to change. God confirmed this in the heart of other key leaders, several parents, and my head pastor as well when I shared the burden with them.

And so we changed. But there is no perfect youth group playbook or set of procedures to follow if you want it all to “work.” The only perfect model is to walk daily in the Spirit, to be faithful to his leading in your life as a youth pastor, and to examine the Scriptures and let them be authoritative in how you decide to build your ministry.

“God, make me a man with thick skin and a soft heart. Make me a man who is tough and tender. Make me tough so I can handle life. Make me tender so I can love people. God, make me a man.”

From Darrin Patrick. This will now be part of Malachi and my nighttime ritual.

This article from Brian Croft is especially applicable to me as our family will be expanding very soon.

(A friend) shepherded his seven children by taking one morning a week to meet individually with each of his children.  Seven days in a week–each of the seven children got one morning each week with their dad.  They prayed, read scripture, talked, and read a book of that child’s choosing.  Inspired by his amazing example, I came home and established a similar model in our home that I remain faithful to this day.  Here is what I do to individually shepherd my four children regularly in addition to our regular time of family worship, as well as implications attached to it:

1)  Monday through Thursday each child gets a day and on his or her appointed day stays up 30 – 45 minutes later than their siblings to meet with me before bedtime.  I thought they would be excited about it for a few times, but then grow bored with it.  Not so.  Years later, they look forward to that time more than anything, which provides a natural accountability when you are tired from the day and are tempted to skip for that evening.

2)  We read the passage I am preaching for that week, discuss it a bit, then we read a chapter from a book they have chosen to read.  At the end, I take time to ask them how they are doing and how I can pray for them.  This is a great way to see how they are really doing and teach them what are good things to be praying for others.  Then, I pray for them and take them to bed.

3)  One of the greatest joys to my wife is her watching my effort with our children and lead our family in this way.  The last thing she feels is left out (just in case you were thinking that).  Our wives’ desire for us to make regular, deliberate, spiritually meaningful efforts to care for our children will mean more to her than I think we realize or understand.  I find this especially true for our wives who are stay at home moms who labor hard in this task of shepherding their little hearts all day with little break.

4)  My efforts with my children have put me in a position to challenge other men in my church to do something similar.  It has been amazing the way our fathers in our church have embraced this and the way it has empowered many of them to see they can spiritually lead their families with deliberate efforts.  Fellow pastors, the obvious needs to be acknowledged that you cannot challenge the men in your church to do anything you are not making a faithful effort at.  Regularly and individually shepherding your children’s hearts is certainly one of those efforts that we must model for the men in our local church.  Their failure to do it could be a reflection of your failure to model it.

From Thom Rainer, president and CEO of Lifeway Christian Resources and senior pastor of four churches.

There are no “do overs” in life and ministry. But there are always opportunities to learn, correct, and improve. So I decided to share with you seven of the key mistakes I made as a senior pastor.

1. I would spend more time in the Word and in prayer
2. I would give my family more time
3. I would spend more time sharing my faith
4. I would love the community where I lived more
5. I would lead the church to focus more on the nations
6. I would focus on critics less
7. I would accept the reality that I can’t be omnipresent

These are good words of warning as I look to plant a church.

By Brian Vickers on the SojournKids.com Blog

When you hear the word “kingdom” what comes to mind?  Maybe things like castles, moats, draw-bridges, and big stone walls.  Whatever comes to mind, it’s probably something big, powerful, and impressive. The people of Israel were waiting for God’s kingdom.  A time when God would defeat all their enemies, and centuries of war and suffering and waiting would come to an end.  God would come and save his people and set up the greatest kingdom the world had ever seen.  Expectations were high. Then one day Jesus came and said: “The time has come.  The kingdom of God is near.  Turn and trust in the good news of the kingdom!” (Mark 1:15).  But when Jesus talked about the Kingdom, he said some unexpected things.  To be part of his kingdom, you have to give up your life and follow him (8:34).  In his kingdom, the greatest people are servants—just like him (9:35; 10:44-45).  Jesus said his kingdom is like a mustard seed (4:31).  That doesn’t sound too impressive, but what Jesus is saying is that you have to be able to look at a little seed and see everything it will become.  It takes the eyes of faith to see Jesus’ kingdom.  We enter the Kingdom by believing that Jesus the King suffered and gave up his life for us.  Through faith we see and experience the reality and power of the kingdom in everyday things like loving each other and loving our neighbors; in simple acts of service; in caring more for the good of others than for our own good; and in sharing the gospel of Jesus the servant-king with the people around us so that they can join in the kingdom.  When God’s kingdom fully arrives it will be more powerful and glorious than anything we can imagine, it will go beyond all our expectations, but for now we see it all in seeds.

Teaching the Mustard Seed Kingdom

• Ask your children to describe a kingdom.  Then show them a seed – any seed will do- and then say “This is what Jesus says his kingdom is like.”  Read Mark 4:30-32.  A great way to illustrate it is with an acorn.  Let them hold an acorn in their hand. Then have them look up at an oak tree.  Use this activity to begin talking about faith and God’s kingdom.
• For older children, ask them to describe the people they think are great, or the kind of people who are popular.  Talk about how we usually judge greatness.  Then read Mark 9:33-37 and 10:41-45.  Using Jesus as the example, challenge them with the idea that servants are greatest in God’s Kingdom.
• Try to find an activity you can do as a family (particularly with older kids) that will display Kingdom service.  Serve as a family through “Seed” at Sojourn.  Maybe there’s someone in your neighborhood who needs help taking care of their yard or house.  Bring a meal or package of treats of some kind to a neighbor.  Invite neighbors over.
• Have everyone list 5 ways that they can serve one another around the house.  There are endless possibilities for this one.
• Read the story of the Rich Young Man in Mark 10:17-31.  Now read Mark 8:34-9:1.  Being a disciple of Jesus means putting Jesus above all—discuss how the rich man was unable to do this and why.  Use this as a way of talking about what it means to follow Jesus.
• Parents:  You are the representatives of the King. How is your household reflecting the Kingdom of God?  Do your children see you loving and serving one each other?

From Winfield Bevins

Lesson 1: The Family is a Church

The Puritans believed and taught that your family is your church. Every man has a responsibility to pastor his wife and his children.  Jonathan Edwards said, “Every Christian family ought to be as it were a little church, consecrated to Christ, and wholly influenced and governed by his rules. And family education and order are some of the chief means of grace.” George Whitefield said, “A man ought to look upon himself as obliged to act in three capacities:

As a prophet, to instruct:
As a priest, to pray for and with;
As a king, to govern, direct, and provide for them.”

Lesson 2: Love Your Wife as Christ Loved the Church

Pastoring your family begins with loving your wife as Christ loved the church. Through our marriage, we are examples of the gospel to our children and to our church.

Lesson 3: Family is the Seminary of the Church

Puritan Thomas Manton said, “A family is the seminary of the church.” The Puritans believed that the home was the primary place of learning the Bible and moral instruction. They also believed that it was a parent’s spiritual responsibility to disciple and teach their children about the faith.  The Bible instructs us, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).  It is important for children to begin learning about God and the Bible at home.

Thomas Doolittle said, “Masters of families ought to read the Scripture to their families and instruct their children and servants in the matters and doctrines of salvation. Therefore, they are to pray in and with their families. No man that will not deny the Scripture can deny the unquestionable duty of reading the Scripture in our houses, governors of families teaching and instructing them out of the Word of God.”

Lesson 4: Regularly Practice a Family Day Off (this has personally saved my marriage and my ministry)

For the Puritans that day off was synonymous with family. Many church planters fail to take a day off by justifying their great ministry need. We are not leading our family well unless we take time to be together without work lingering in the background. This is a common sin that ministers need to repent for not keeping.

Ministers are burning out at an unbelievable rate. Nearly 90% of pastors feel overworked and 50% of those who go into fulltime service drop out in 5 years. Spiritual burnout occurs when we don’t give ourselves time to rest from our daily routine. Puritans were a great example for spiritual rest because they had a rhythm of work and rest and service and worship.

Lesson 5: We are Responsible to God for the Proper Stewardship of our Families

Puritans taught the gravity of the responsibility of shepherding your family. We are stewards of our families. Let us not sin in this area, let us repent for not leading well. Thomas Doolittle said, “If God be the Founder, Owner, Governor, and Benefactor of families, then families are jointly to worship God and pray unto Him.”

From Dr. Bruce Ware, Re:Train instructor and professor at Southern Seminary, as blogged by Owen Strachan. You can listen online here.

1. Love.   1) Loving God increasingly w/ all my heart, soul, mind and strength; loving Christ and the cross; loving the gospel — these are the foundation for all else.  Drawing from God all I need to be the man and husband God has called me to be is my strength and hope.  2) Loving my wife as Christ loves the Church — this is the umbrella principle for marriage; everything else flows from this responsibility and privilege (Eph 5:25ff).
2. Leadership.   Biblical manhood involves cultivating, embracing, and exercising leadership initiative, especially spiritual leadership initiative.  This is a principle that applies to young men and adult single men just as well as to married men.  Cultivate, embrace, and exercise spiritual leadership initiative.   In marriage, my love for my wife involves and requires that I exert leadership in our relationship.  My headship of my wife means I’m responsible for her spiritual growth and well-being.  And as a father, I’m responsible in ways that my wife is not for the spiritual development of our children (Eph 6:1-4).  And again, to do this, I must be seeking God and growing personally.  Only out of the storehouse of my own soul’s growth in God can I assist my wife to grow spiritually.
3. Example.  Lead by example as much as by admonition and instruction.  Set the example in:  consistent times in the Word and prayer;  in sacrificial service for your wife, children, church family members, and community needs;  in giving faithfully, generously, and regularly of your finances;  in humble admission of wrong-doing along with confession, asking forgiveness, and repentance.  Fight pride, fight defensiveness, fight carnality before others.
4. Authority.  All three points above imply and invoke the concept of male-headship.  Yes, God has given special authority to husbands and fathers.  Learn, though, the correct expression of healthy, constructive, upbuilding, God-honoring, Christ-following authority.  Resist and reject the sinful extremes of 1) harshness, bossiness, mean-spirited authoritarianism, and of 2) laziness, apathy, lethargy, negligence, and abdication of authority to the women in our lives.  Learn to blend firmness with gentleness, truth with grace, a firm hand with a warm smile.
5. Acceptance.   Each of us is unique as God has made us.  We should accept others’ differences w/o thinking ourselves to be either superior or inferior to others.  In marriage, my wife is unique, and so in many ways, she is not like me.  I need to accept who she is, prayerfully and sensitively seeking to assist her in changing what is sinful and needs to be changed, and accepting what is “just different.”
6. Listening.   One of my wife’s biggest and most real needs is my attentive and respectful listening ear.  She loves to share her experiences, thoughts, ideas, feelings, concerns, hurts, joys, etc.   I can minister to my wife more than one might think by offering her caring, responsive, and respectful listening and interaction.  Learn to listen sympathetically w/o rushing to “fix it” solutions.  Connect first heart to heart, then later heart to head.  Establish regular times of mutual sharing (yes, mutual), keep short accounts, and act on what you hear and learn.
7. Understanding.   I need to live with my wife in an understanding way (1 Pet 3:7), to learn her needs, her sensitivities.  I should seek to know the desires and felt needs of my wife and, when appropriate and possible, fulfill these.  I need to discover her “language of love” and make every effort to love her in ways she feels loved.
8. Work.   A man’s main sense of identity, responsibility, and purpose is found in his work.  Wives want to take pride in their husbands, and taking pride in their work is an important part of this.  Women are not meant to bear the financial weight of a marriage or family, so husbands must work hard and responsibly.  As important as work is to a man’s identity and fulfillment, we must not allow work to overshadow our commitment to and time with our wives first, and also to our children.  Work hard, work well, work to the honor of Christ, and then put work to rest.
9. Sexuality.   My wife is my only legitimate sexual experience, and I am hers.  So, learning to love sexually with increasing skill and pleasure is vitally important to the satisfaction and intimacy of our marriage.  See human sexuality for what it is — the good gift of God to be experienced in marriage, as God has designed.
10. Home.   She cares much about our home.   The “honey-do” list is far more important to her than she is likely to let on.  In love for her, I must pay attention to her requests and treat them as important.  But more important even than this is cultivating the “culture” and “ethos” of our home.  Develop an atmosphere of appreciation, respect, kindness, service, holiness, happiness, gratefulness, contentment, forgiveness — all as expressions of our love for God and one another.

From Alex Chediak. I can’t wait to talk through these with Malachi next year.

Q: Who is Jesus?
A: Jesus is God’s Son.

Q: Why did Jesus come to earth?
A: God sent Jesus to live and die in the place of every sinner who would ever trust in Him, love Him, and obey Him.

Q: What do we celebrate this week?
A: The death and resurrection of Jesus.

Q: Why did Jesus die?
A: The wages of sin is death. Jesus died for the sins of other people. Jesus took their punishment. And Jesus perfectly obeyed God on their behalf.

Q: Which people did Jesus die for?
A: Every sinner who ever puts their trust in Him, loves Him, and obeys Him. To them, Jesus is a merciful Savior, Lord, and Treasure.

Q: Are you a sinner?
A: Yes. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

Q: What are sins?
A: Disobeying Mommy and Daddy and not doing what I should.

Q: Was Jesus a sinner?
A: No. Jesus never sinned. Jesus rose from the dead because death had no power over Him.

Q: Do you need a Savior?
A: Yes

Q: Who is the only Savior to whom you should go?
A: Jesus, God’s Son, who lived and died on behalf of every sinner who would ever trust in Him, love Him, and obey Him.