First 9Marks gave us the Do-It-Yourself Marriage Retreat, which was great for Julie and I. Now, they’ve given us the Man-Treat “Diagnostic Weekend”. I’ve always struggled with having close male friendships and keeping in regular communication.  The Man-Treat would be amazing to do regularly with some brothers-in-Christ as a way to reconnect, encourage, and challenge each other.

The idea of this document is to guide your morning quiet time and reflection and to foster your evening conversations.  The goal is to scan your life, talk thoughtfully with other brothers who love you and know you well and to emerge with a practical plan for a) playing offense (e.g. what do I need to start doing to grow in my faith and to exercise faithfulness in the spheres of responsibilities you’ve been given) and b) playing defense (e.g. in what areas is sin creeping in and you need to aggressively fight it).

Pray before and during your time – so that a spirit of grace, charity, encouragement and trust in God’s faithfulness permeates your time.

Highlights of your past year

• Remember the past year.  Note any highlights (chronological and social), including highpoints and low points.
• Our God is a God of providence (Gen 50: 19; Rom 8:28), who brings all things into our life for our good. Reflect on what the events of the past year have taught you about God, yourself, your spouse, etc.
• Reflect on and list at least three ways you can give thanks to God for blessings of the past year.

Sphere 1: Personal Discipleship

• In general, how are you doing spiritually?  How has your love for God grown?  Has your love for others grown? If so, how?
• How is your devotional time going? (Specifically Scripture study & prayer) What are you reading and learning in your quiet times right now? What do you want to accomplish in QTs in this upcoming year?
• Has your life been governed increasingly by God’s Word?  Is there another spiritual discipline that you would like to develop? (fasting, scripture memorization, etc.)
• Do you still grieve over sin? (Whitney)
• Name one sin that you continue to struggle with.  What could I do to help you with this struggle?
• How are you growing in the characteristics of being a godly man (I Tim 3:1-7)
  • above reproach
  • temperate
  • self-controlled
  • respectable
  • hospitable
  • able to teach
  • not given to drunkenness
  • not violent but gentle
  • not quarrelsome
  • not a lover of money
  • manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect
  • good reputation with outsiders
• How are you doing managing your health and eating?
• How are you doing managing your finances?  Are you tithing?  Do you have debt?  What are you doing to eliminate it?

Sphere 2: Husbanding

• How is your marriage going?
• Name 3 things that bring you joy about your wife?
• What are you tempted to struggle with about your wife and your marriage?
• Are you getting home at a consistent time?  Are you prioritizing date nights?
• How can you improve in your communication with your wife?
• Are you fostering romance, intimacy and sex?
• How can you improve as a leader in your marriage?

Sphere 3: Parenting

• Name one thing about each of your children that brings you great joy.  What are each of your kids struggling with? What can you do to shepherd them through these struggles?
• Are you spending quality time with each of your children?  What makes it difficult to do this?
• Do you spend time in family worship?  What could you do to make this a more consistent part of your family diet?
• In general, how are you doing raising your children? What can you do to improve your parenting? – What do you want to keep the same and what do you want to change in order to shepherd your kids well spiritually?

Sphere 4: Church/Ministry

• What ministries did you participate in this past year?
• Who are you discipling? And, who is your accountability partner?
• What should be your ministry goals for this upcoming year (i.e., Bible study, hospitality and fellowship, charity work/support)?
• Do you delight in being involved in church? If so, name one thing about our church that currently brings you great joy.  Name one thing that would increase your joy in church?
• How can you be an encouragement to the elders and staff at our church?
• How can you foster greater unity in our church?

Sphere 5: Vocation/Work

• How is your current work situation?
• Are you working too many hours?  Are you traveling too much?  Are you working smart and/or wasting time during your workday with personal distractions?
• Are you having any work conflicts?  How can you see your pride, arrogance and ego contributing to these?
• Are you being faithful in your workplace?  How do you see that you are working to “the glory of God”?
• What opportunities do you have for advancement?  What toll might these new responsibilities place on your life, family and ministry?   How are you applying biblical wisdom to these decisions?
• Are you in a place that you can see as your long-term calling?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?  10 years?

• Men need to see a vision. They need a mental image of the final outcome.
• Men need social time, not just meeting times. Social time on the golf course, at the pool hall, on the ball field, etc… is what will make the meeting time come to life.
• Men are warriors and need an enemy to fight and a battle to win. This is just the heart of a man. Be certain they know who the enemy is, Satan.
• Men need a bar raised high. Boredom sets in quickly when a goal is easily attainable.
• Men don’t read. Many men are not going to pick up a book and read it. You may be a book junky, they may junk the book.
• Men will dodge real life issues by deflecting and talking about facts. For instance, you might ask a guy what God is teaching him during his daily time with God. His response might be to tell you he had his quiet time three times this week. You’ll need to dig deeper.
• Men need a safe place and a safe person to tell real life stuff to but they need time to know they can trust you. You’ll need to open the door to this kind of transparency by revealing your stuff first.
• Men will lie to you. Every accountability list I’ve ever seen had as the last question something like this… “Were any of your responses misleading or all out lies?” Don’t declare a man the enemy because of this, he’s been taught by society to protect his influence in this way. Simply help him step into the light of honesty so God can redeem his heart.
• Men need MODELS, not INFORMATION.

Helpful list from Rick Howerton, although I disagree with the one about reading. Men need to be about the Book but they also need to be willing to read other materials as well.